Moonlight Encounters

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I just wanted to tell everyone have a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving. When you're gathered around the family table, giving Thanks to things... don't forget the most important thing to be thankful for (actually, two things). For the life god has given you - ups and downs included - and be thankful for your muse - if you're a writer - so you don't piss him or her off to where they go on strike!!!

I bet you thought you were being real smart locking me out of my email and NaNo, huh? Did it make you feel like a man to mess with something that meant so much to me? Did you think you stopped me from achieving my goal? 

Well, we never claimed you were a smart man, did we? 

Cause a smart man would not have done that. A smart man would have known the way to my heart was through kindness not vindictive adolescent behavior. 

But, we never claimed you were a smart man, did we?

You see,  you know nothing about me, because you are too self to learn of anything but yourself. You know none of the vital things required to access my heart or compassion, because you are too concerned with you. You see, you know nothing about life except for how to get drunk, be an asshole, and control people.

We never claimed you were a smart man, did we?

Cause a smart man would have never tried to come between me and my writing.

It's days like this, like this last week, where being bipolar jumps up and bites me in the ass. Now that the intital thrill of NaNo is over, now that I'm halfway to the finish line and in the middle of the book, I've gotten bored with the whole process. 

Not my MS, mind you. 

I know exactly where it's going, and how to get there. And, I still have quit a few fun parts to write. But I find myself struggling to get behind the keyboard and write. Hell, maybe I'm ADD too.

What's even more sad is... I WANT to write. I'm dying to get behind that keyboard and connect with Luc and Olivia again. But I dread it at the same time. It's a constant battle that I struggle with each time a new MS is in front of me. But I have great expectations that this MS will be the MS that leads to publication. I've researched and talked with other authors, and I have a solid plan for publication when my MS is polished and shiny as a new penny. 

I keep going over and over in my head what my MS has been through so far, and I want to edit the first 25K words something fierce. In the same sense, that will be a waste of time - at this junction - as I'm suppose to be racing to the finish line to 50K (though 50K isn't going to be enough for my MS in the end).

This is were huge doses of self-discipline come in handy. Unfortunately, I'm one that never has done self-discipline very well when I'm at this humm-haaaa stage in my life. I think if I can get to about 30K words, I'll start feeling better. That's usually my "out of the funk" area. 

So, tonight I'll have to barricade myself in my room, lock the door with intense amounts of caffeine, and not show my head until I've crossed that 30K marker. Then I can offer myself a small treat (cheddar and sour cream chips... yummy!!) for doing what I should have done two days ago. 

I wonder if I should give my muse a strong talking to? Hmmmm..... Nah, she tends to get testy with me. I think she's bipolar too. Oh, well.... it's me and her. Gotta love one another, right. 

The dawn of day five is upon us NaNo-er's.... I've done well, but not as well as I could have done. I've missed a whole two days of writing, but my word count is still above the minimum daily word count, so I'm trying not to let it bug me too much. I don't like failure. And failure to me is not putting my best into something - especially my writing. So, in a sense I feel as if I've failed the last couple of days. 

Last night as soon as I hit the 3000 mark (and came to a place to stop), I quit writing and went to sleep. This morning I'm kicking myself in the rear for not going further, for not pushing myself to my limit. 

On the subject of writing - but not my accomplishment or failures. NaNo has taught me a valuable lesson. I write a lot better, and faster, with a plot to work with. And I have less encounters with writers block. I think my muse is a plotter. That's okay with me. I'll follow her where ever she leads as long as she's leading with words for me to write. :-D